Crystal Rose Page 14

  The moon would be full in two nights, and if I dropped my quest for knowledge, there was no telling if I’d survive. With my mind made up, I waited until I heard Luke go out the back door, and then I hurried to Everett’s room, knocking loudly. I heard a grunt, and he mumbled under his breath, and then he flung the door open and stared at me expectantly.

  “I need your help,” I told him simply.

  He scoffed. “What could you possibly want from me?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what’s going on with Luke, but he’s pulling away. The full moon is almost here, and I don’t know what to expect or how to deal with it. I just need some information, something to work with so I don’t freak out.”

  He crossed his arms, and I noticed they’d gotten thinner just since I’d first met him. He wasn’t doing well at all. “Everyone freaks out the first time. But if you’re looking for ways to cope, to make sure you don’t die on us, I suppose I can give you a couple of pointers.”

  Relieved, I stepped past him into his room, too hopeful to care that I was incredibly uncomfortable in his space. He had a bed and a rocking chair, a television and a dresser. I wasn’t sure where to sit, but he propped on the edge of his bed, resting his hands on his cane, so I took the rocking chair. He stared at me, and I suddenly went blank on what to ask. I didn’t have forever. Luke would only spend so much time chopping firewood.

  Taking a deep breath, I asked, “Am I still going to be conscious? Or will some beastly instinct blank out my ability to think?”

  He pursed his lips. “The pain is going to make you forget who you are, and when it comes to getting that rational thought back, it’s probably not going to happen right away the first few times, if it happens at all. You might just be a beast until you shift back.”

  I didn’t like the answer, but at least I had one now. “And when I shift back? How long will I stay in wolf form? And will I know what happened? Will I remember anything?”

  He sighed. “I can’t tell you anything for sure. All I can do is explain what I went through.” He scowled. “Of course, you might end up wanting to slit your wrists rather than deal with it, but that’s your decision.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Stop being so dramatic and tell me. Luke’s outside, and I need to get as much information as I can before he comes back in.”

  His eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Wait, he doesn’t know you’re in here, talking to me?” I gave him a measured look, and he shrugged. “If my son wants to continue his path of stupidity, that’s his call.” Shifting and grunting again, he continued, “My first shift was the worst pain I ever felt in my life, and the next thing I knew, I was going through it again the other way. I knew I’d lost time, and turns out, it was about three hours. But I know people who were out of commission for way longer than that.

  “Over the next few days, I started to remember things, remember what it felt like to run on all fours and the taste of fresh meat. It was months before I realized what I was doing as I did it, and I had to train myself to stop blacking out when I shifted. I had to feel the pain and not let it overwhelm me, and then I had full control of my faculties.”

  I had to ask, now that I knew he could think like a human. “So, when you killed my grandmother, you were fully aware of what you were doing?”

  “That’s gray area, girl.” He shook his head. “I’m sick, and I don’t have the control I used to. I knew I was attacking a human, and I didn’t want to kill anyone. But the instinct to protect was too strong, and it overwhelmed me.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “But you weren’t sick back then.”

  “Not like I am now, but it had already started. I have no reason to lie to you,” he added. “I know you think it would be in your best interest to kill me, and there’s nothing I can say to convince you otherwise. So I’m not going to try to ease your mind about things. I’m telling it like it is, and you can do with it what you want.”

  I appreciated his frankness, and that he didn’t deny being at least partially conscious of murdering my grandmother. It gave me a bit more trust in him, which was good, since I had at least one more question I needed answered before I went back to the other room. “If I don’t come back to myself while I’m in the other form, how do I know I won’t hurt someone?”

  “We’re drawn to animals and the scent of their blood. Unless a human comes traipsing through the woods, unwelcome, you won’t have a problem.” He leaned forward. “And if that happens, I’ll make sure that person gets out before you have a chance to do anything stupid. It’s part of my job that I’m still capable of.”

  I hoped he meant scaring them away, but he obviously didn’t have a problem killing someone who threatened him and his family. I honestly didn’t care at this moment. Everett already had blood on his hands. I was still innocent, and if he had to add more bodies to his count so I never experienced that horror, so be it. I wasn’t in the mood to judge.

  I stood to walk out, turning to ask one last thing. “I’ll know when it’s coming. Should I get out of the house?”

  Everett nodded. “Have Luke take you to the woods, as deep into them as you can get. You don’t want your screams carrying out to another cabin. I won’t be far behind.”

  I tried to hide my shiver of fear. I hated that I couldn’t just face this thing without being scared, but I couldn’t think of anyone who wouldn’t have a problem with it, especially all the unknowns the first time around. I nodded my thanks and opened the door, almost running into Luke as I stepped out.

  He gaped at me in disbelief, and I felt sheepish. I shouldn’t have gone behind his back, but then, I also felt that he shouldn’t have rejected my questions and shrugged me off the way he had. I had every right to know as much as possible about what was going to happen to me, and since he’d denied me that, I had gone to a source that was more willing to divulge vital information that could save my life.

  I shouldered past him, but he followed me, and as I stepped out onto the deck, he grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me to face him. Blinding rage slammed into me, and I growled. Not a human imitation of the sound, but a rumble from deep in my chest. If he’d been in denial before, he could no longer pretend I wasn’t going to change now.

  “You went to my father?” he asked, his eyes shining with betrayal and a hint of that otherworldly light that came when he was in beast mode. “How could you?”

  “What choice did I have?” I countered. “You didn’t give me one. I asked you the questions I needed answered, and you blew me off, over and over again. You refused to talk to me, and you’ve clearly been running from the idea that I’m going to shift. This is happening, Luke. This is happening, whether you like it or not. There’s no stopping it, and I have to know what to do to stay safe and alive.”

  He breathed heavily, his chest moving up and down rapidly. Through clenched teeth, he told me, “I could still stop it. If my father—”

  “Your father gifted me with more information in five minutes than you’ve given me in days,” I interrupted. I didn’t want him to say the words. “If you did something that drastic, you’d regret it forever. And there’s not even a guarantee it would work. I have large doubts regarding that particular myth.”

  “But if it’s possible…” He trailed off, his gaze expectant, as if I would just come around to his way of thinking.

  I’d been there, wanted to kill Everett with my own bare hands. He’d killed my grandmother, and he’d infected me. He’d mistreated Luke and used him for years, and I had a feeling his list of sins was far longer than that. But he was a dying man, sick and on his way out, and that weighed into his actions. On top of that, he’d been crass but helpful on more than one occasion. I was no longer on board with this particular idea.

  I shook my head. “If you continue to try to sway me to that option, I swear on my grandmother’s grave that I will grab my things and leave this cabin right now. I will drive away, go back to the city, and figure out how to deal with my newfound afflictio
n all on my own. And I will never come back, never see or speak to you again.” I stepped closer to him, making sure he knew I meant every word I said. “If you try to contact me, I will call the police, and I will report you for stalking.”

  “Crystal, I—”

  I held up a hand to stop him. “I can’t change your thoughts. But if I hear them, if I see actions that mirror them, you have my word, I will follow through with everything I just told you. Do you really want to keep defending the idea of killing your father? “Think carefully. You say I’m your soul mate, and that your father started dying when he lost his soul mate. Do you want to test the boundaries of that relationship? Do you want to risk it? Because I’m willing to bet there are negative side effects if I just leave. I don’t have to die for you to suffer.”

  I instantly felt bad for the threat, knowing it was wrong to play to his emotions and fears like that. But I had to impress upon him how adamant I was. He couldn’t kill his father, no matter what.

  Chapter 21

  Luke couldn’t tell whose rage ran hotter in that moment, hers over his desire to kill his father to save her, or his own over Crystal’s threat to not only herself but to all of their kind. If she returned to the city, and she turned, she could die. She wouldn’t have help, wouldn’t be prepared. And Luke couldn’t lose her when he’d only just found her. She was right; he couldn’t stand the thought of losing his soul mate, whether by death or by choice.

  And to make matters worse, if the shift didn’t kill Crystal, she would kill others. There would be sightings, and the safe, quiet life of what most considered to be myths and urban legends, would be out in the open. It would be a worldwide wolf hunt and a slaughter. Luke didn’t want to be the alpha, but he still cared about his kind and didn’t want them threatened with global extinction.

  He had to rectify this, quickly, before Crystal lost control. That meant quelling his own violent tendencies and calming down enough to have a reasonable discussion with her. It wouldn’t be easy; they fed off each other’s heightened emotions, another sure sign they were soul mates. But he knew that, if he calmed, he could have a rational conversation, and he knew bringing down his own emotions would help her get hers in check.

  He held up his hands in a universal sign of surrender. “Alright, let’s reevaluate the situation here. I wasn’t trying to upset you, Crystal. I love you, and I need you. That has me ready to do just about anything to keep you safe, to save you. Please, don’t leave. There’s too much at stake, not just for you or me, but for the people you could hurt, and for the others like us.”

  Crystal glared at him, and Luke willed himself not to overreact. He took long, deep breaths and let them out slowly, and finally, Crystal sighed and turned her eyes askance. “I don’t want to hurt you, either. But I won’t let you do this. I can’t stand the idea of you having your own father’s blood on your hands. Especially not for me.”

  Rubbing his forehead, Luke told her, “Fair enough. I won’t do it. Unless you change your mind, I won’t do it, and I won’t mention it again. I just want to protect you. It eats at me, and sometimes, it makes me crazy because I feel helpless.”

  Crystal stepped toward him, put a hand on his cheek and met his gaze. “You’re only helpless if you choose to be, Luke. You can help me through this, teach me like you promised. We can’t reverse what happened, but if you’re worried about me getting through it, you can help me.” She put her other palm on his cheek, cupping his face. “You’ve been pulling away from me, and that’s never going to work if we’re going to work.”

  Luke nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

  She offered a hesitant smile. “So, let’s do this together. Be that tall drink of cool water that keeps me level headed and rational, so I can learn.”

  Luke had to do it. If he didn’t, she was right about the danger she faced. And she’d probably turn to his father again. That was the last thing Luke wanted. Regardless of his promise not to kill Everett, or mention that as an option, it still sat in the back of his mind. He couldn’t just completely dismiss the idea, not until he saw some evidence that Crystal could remain mentally stable through all of this.

  He would do everything in his power to ensure she could make it. He wanted her not just alive and safe, but happy. If leaving his jackass of a father alive meant her happiness, so be it. Luke didn’t like the consequences of his father’s death anyway.

  And like a fool, he still loved the old codger.

  “You want to learn? Go put some shoes on. We’ll start right now,” he told her.

  She scowled at him in question, but she nodded shortly and moved past him back into the house. He waited on the front porch, antsy and uncertain. Luke saw the physical strength in Crystal, and with her past, she seemed mentally strong. But dealing with the shift, not to mention her aversion to animal sacrifice even for the nutritional value, this could be difficult.

  He had some ideas, but he didn’t know how hard he could push her. Today, he was going to find out.

  She returned, and he glanced down at her feet, smiling when he saw running shoes. “Good choice.”

  She shrugged with a crooked grin. “I didn’t know what you had planned. I figured practicality overrides fashion.”

  “Very sensible,” he conceded. “Come on, we’re headed into the woods.” He held out a hand, but she hesitated, glancing toward the tree line with skepticism. He knew her fears, all of them, and he wanted to allay those fears. “There’s nothing there that can hurt you, Crystal. The voices you hear, those are me. It’s our connection. And they’re going to be louder now, because we’ve found our way to each other. And you’re the apex predator now.”

  She still didn’t answer, looking like she wanted to say something but couldn’t bring herself to. Luke sighed. “I know you don’t want to kill again. I can’t promise you never will, but I want to help you. I can teach you to focus on other instincts, to ignore the craving, the desire to feed. Please, let me show you. It’s the only way we’re going to get you through this.”

  Taking a deep breath, she nodded and took his hand. “I trust you.”

  He smiled. “Good.” He guided her through the field toward the trees like they were just going for a stroll. He didn’t want to make this seem like a task. He wanted it to feel like the freedom to be who she was, who she would become when she changed. It didn’t have to be bondage. He’d learned to harness his power and make it an outlet long ago. And he understood the feeling of being caged because he’d begun to feel that way ever since she’d come back into his life, unable to control his emotional reaction around her.

  They could work together to remove those chains and create something beautiful together. If she had to accept the fact that she would no longer lead a normal, human life, he could accept it, too. And he would make it as smooth and enjoyable for her as possible.

  Crossing the threshold into the woods under the dark canopy, it felt like a warm blanket, muting out a lot of the rest of the world. The sounds in here were quieter, distant, and there wasn’t as much of a distraction. This was the part he loved, being able to leave structured society behind and connect with nature. He knew, too, that Crystal would love it, once she grew accustomed to it.

  He took her deep into the thicket, where the trees grew so close together barely any sun peered through the canopy overhead. There was less brush to stumble on, the leaves above absorbing all the nutrients from the sky, and it made a great place to ground and focus on the different senses.

  Crystal looked around as if she’d never seen it before. “I don’t think I’ve ever come this far in,” she said, her voice soft and full of awe. “And I’ve never come during the day.”

  Luke smiled at her. “What do you think?”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “Yes, it is. Now, I want you to close your eyes and tell me what you smell,” he told her.

  She started to shake her head. “Luke, I haven’t eaten in—”

  “Just trust me,” he cut
her off. With a sigh and a roll of her shoulders, she complied. Instantly, her face took on a distressed look, and he gripped her hand tighter. “No, stay here, with me. If you let your senses guide you, there are a million creatures you’ll find, and you’ll want to chase them. But if you control your senses, you can push those away and find something pleasant.”

  She was quiet, and her nostrils flared. She frowned, lines forming in her forehead and around her beautiful lips, but they slowly eased away, and she tilted her head, curiously. “I smell…water. Dampness, like after a rain. And greenery. And there’s something else.” She sniffed harder and then gasped and opened her eyes. “It’s you. That’s your scent.”

  Luke was elated. “How do you know it’s me?” he asked, trying not to grin too broadly.

  Crystal blushed. “I’ve been up close and personal, Luke. I know your scent. But I guess I didn’t realize I knew it so well. Or that it was so potent.”

  “Only when you want it to be. Only when you can push aside all the other smells around you and search for it.” He laced his fingers through hers and told her, “That’s why I knew you weren’t in the woods the night I came looking for you as a child. And that’s how I found you the night you came after us, wanting to rescue us.”

  She looked bewildered. “Your scent was always here, in the forest. I remember it in the trees when I was little. It didn’t smell like plants or dirt or animals. Maybe that was part of the reason it was so easy to believe the forest spoke to me, because it smelled human.”

  Luke snorted. “I see we’re going to start using that word liberally now.”

  “Human?” She stepped closer and searched his face. “Whatever we become during a full moon, Luke, and whatever developments I’ve had to my senses, I still feel human. And I look at you, and that’s all I see. At least, in the light of day.”

  Would she see him as human after they shifted? When she was reminded of the jagged teeth and the enormous beastly head she’d encountered and feared for so long? He hoped so. Despite what he was teaching her, he’d still felt mostly human his whole life. That’s why it was so hard to swallow the fact that he wanted to lose control and give into animal instinct when he was with Crystal.